Looking back on what probably was one of the worst years of my life, I can say with utmost conviction, “Fuck you 2009. Pack your f’n bags, I don’t want to see your face ’round these parts no more. You dirty whore, you’ve done enough damage to myself, my friends and basically anyone else lucky enough to fall into your path of destruction.”
I could go on, but I’d like to keep things clean for the ladies.
Among the things that happened in 2009 (affairs, executions, injuries, death, war, famine, pestilence etc.), the one event that shook me most of all happened on July 14. I had been working on a project since mid April that required the usual suspects: HTML, CSS, Javascript. Now, most of you know that I’ve struggled with Javascript in the past, however, I felt this project was a perfect opportunity for me to dive head first into it. The functionality required seemed basic at first – a rotating big daddy carousel. Easy peasy! Surely I could figure this out. But wait! There’s more! Google Maps integration you say? Sure! I’ll learn that too!
I’m sure you can see where this is going. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to figure much of this out, so naturally, I asked for help as soon as I realized how far in over my head I was. Luckily, there was more than enough time left so that the other developers were able to jump in and help me out, finishing the project smoothly and on-time!
Oh how I wish that was how it actually happened!
I sincerely thought I would be able to figure it out, right up until I had the breakdown at my kitchen table where I wrote a tearful email to my boss at 11pm the night before I was supposed to deliver explaining that it wasn’t getting done. Oh, and that it probably wouldn’t be done for another 2 weeks. And that I would need the help of other developers who were also on tight deadlines. You can imagine how well that went over.
I don’t want to be so arrogant as to say this was the first time that I’ve ever fucked up or failed at something, but it was the first time that I really, really, really screwed something up. I felt stupid and ashamed. Walking into the office the next day was the lowest I had ever felt. After spending countless late nights, sacrificing weekends, the summer and nearly my sanity, I had nothing to show except an email admitting defeat.
3 weeks and 4 developers later, the project was completed.
Now that it’s all over, I can look back at the situation and laugh… Did I say laugh? I lied – I definitely don’t laugh when I think of the situation, but I don’t get upset either. It taught me a lot about myself, about my job and the importance of being able admit when you don’t know how to do something and that it’s ok to ask for help. Oh, and how I plan to never, ever, let something like this happen again. I hope that in sharing my experience that someone else can learn from this and not let the same mistake happen to them.
Oh right, July 14. That was the day that I cracked. And luckily enough, I documented it!
Great post Z.
The fact that you are brave enough to write about something this embarrassing (that has happened to all of us, I should add) instead of just another “…I laughed, I cried, but in the end my supreme skills and work ethic won the day” story, shows what a dedicated professional you really are.
Heh, good post. I’ve failed with many things too, but it’s the only way to learn some lessons.
BTW you could have asked me. Google Maps and I went to kindergarten together. :)
It takes a bigger man to ask for help Zack, I had no idea about this nor would I unless you disclosed the information which I am glad you have here.
There are so many conflicting issues with biting the bullet and admitting you need help, you wonder if you have failed in someway, how will people look at you again knowing this? As you probably have learned that all this worry is for nothing, you did the right thing because your pride can recover. Seeing people fail is not something that I revel in and no matter how stubborn people can be it pays to let others lend a helping hand whens its needed.
*claps hands* you are a better man now x
Thanks for the comments guys!
@Matt, it was probably the hardest decisions I had to make. Just thinking about how I would be perceived after that: weak, inexperienced, foolish, stupid. And whether or not people actually looked at me like that didn’t really matter, it’s how I looked at myself after the whole situation.
Being at a place where everyone is extremely talented (srsly, someone built this the other day), it was really devastating. I was already feeling insecure and now more so. I still struggle with that insecurity now.
The most I can do is do a good job, learn as much as I can and apply that knowledge.
Ouch.
That hurts.
All the same, if that was the worst day of your life, you’re doing extremely well, Zack. Remember that, always.
Hey Zach.
You may/may not remember me. I came across your site via Chris Panas. Anyways, I really like your stuff. Super clean and simple. Nice. Hope all is well.
Jonathan.
ps – 2009 was a shitty year for me too!